As National Grief Awareness Day approaches on Aug. 30, trauma expert Judith A. Swack, Ph.D., is shedding light on why some individuals remain entrenched in grief long after a loss. Her insights come as her book, "Clear Trauma Now: The Powerful Solution for Getting Unstuck," has been recognized as a top resource on the subject, recently winning the 2026 Silver Medal for Grief Books from the Coalition of Visionary Resources (COVR).
Dr. Swack explains that unresolved trauma can keep people stuck in grief, making it difficult to access joyful memories of the deceased. Instead, every reminder of the loved one can automatically trigger the pain of the moment they died or left. This occurs because during a traumatic loss, the body's fight-flight-freeze response becomes conditioned to remember and react to anything associated with that time, causing people to repeatedly relive the shock of the event.
Healing, she notes, begins by calming this trauma response so the nervous system no longer reacts as though the loss is happening in the present. To help those struggling, Dr. Swack outlines five first steps toward healing.
The first step is to separate the trauma from the person you loved. Many grieving people fear that letting go of the trauma will sever their connection to the deceased. Dr. Swack asserts the opposite is true. Trauma can become fused with the memory of a loved one, so every remembrance triggers pain instead of love. Healing the trauma allows positive memories and gratitude to return without relinquishing the relationship.
Second, she advises identifying the "hidden layers" beneath grief. Grief rarely consists solely of sadness. According to Dr. Swack's research, loss trauma often includes shock, fear, anger, hurt, guilt, shame, and feelings of helplessness.
Third, listen for limiting beliefs that loss may have created. Traumatic loss often leaves behind unconscious conclusions such as "It's my fault," "People always leave me," "I can't trust anyone," "Who will take care of me?" or "I'm powerless." These beliefs can impact relationships, work, and self-confidence long after the loss, but recognizing them is an essential step toward healing.
Fourth, pay attention to the feeling of emptiness. A hallmark of unresolved loss trauma is a deep sense of emptiness or a "hole" in the chest or stomach. Dr. Swack says people often try to fill this void through work, food, relationships, or other compulsive behaviors. Recognizing that the emptiness is part of the trauma response can help individuals seek healthier ways to heal.
Finally, recognize that healing trauma is not about forgetting someone or "moving on." One of the biggest barriers to recovery is the fear that healing means leaving a loved one behind. Yet resolving the trauma surrounding a loss does not erase the relationship; instead, it allows people to stop reliving the worst moment of their lives and begin remembering the love, joy, and meaning that came before the loss.
"Healing trauma at all levels allows people to easily recall special memories of loving connection and appreciate the ways in which their lives were enriched by having known that person," Dr. Swack says.
Dr. Swack will present a "Clear Trauma Now Live Healing" webinar on Thursday evenings in September, offering real-time trauma healing experiences. For more details, visit hblu.org/live-healing-experience.
